Truth? Hardly a politick move!

Article 7,  A Sesame Street game: hating another person, not speaking to them, and then expecting to get something done with that person; One of these things is not like the others!

      Ok, if you insist, "intimacy," but you won't like it, a deep subject we haven’t begun to address. Depth always challenging us; for instance, our capacity for depth underlies the disciplines of listening and developing positive relationships. So, if one bothers with those, they typically don’t look further, never discovering how those disciplines only superficially express the intimacy underlying our depths. Intimacy, as I’m describing it, lies entirely beyond any conception, so even our best thinking-outside-the-box won't touch it. Yet, being a realist, I'll start by reviewing the box we're in, shedding light on how it affects the topic of our shared identity as Americans.
      Easily a conversation Ralph Waldo Emerson could endorse: "What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside you." Real integrity and evidence of depth, yet even Emerson would have found intimacy difficult to imagine, requiring his very best curiosity. Uncovering one more challenge: avoiding the human tendency to immediately identifying with anything that speaks to your own sense of integrity, killing curiosity. [This is based on an unpublished theoretical construct that leads to an anarchy of regime change, by way of a most consequential archetype. One might imagine, the very physics of reality are defined by ‘relationship,’ and we are defined by ‘listening,’ all of which speaks to ‘intimacy,’ an oddly practical outcome.]
      For the psychologically 'normal' person, intimacy includes listening within a relationship, intimacy becoming a key structural element of one's identity (psychology is firmly established and all over the map on these issues). By contrast, knowing intimacy to be categorically different from one's pursuit of a Unique Identity, stands outside anyone's conceptual box (an odd intimacy vs. the world’s tidy little box of intimacy). A carefully considered box of theoretical work, presents us with Intimacy: "vibrant identities that are shared within a depth of mutual benefit." Addressing intimacy in full, often illustrated in a Venn diagram (imaginatively written, As Good as it Gets). Your thoughts and feelings support that conclusion, even fully identifying with it; undoubtedly, one of the best parts of life and an outcome worth working toward.
      Not meaning to diminish any of that as I point out, your unique identity is also innately isolating. Mostly, that "intimacy" is an expression of personality, something you’re doing, and not fundamental to being. Despite your identification with a depth of feeling, that intimate expression is most certainly not what you are, defining your whole person while providing a synergy of innermost integrity. And you can’t share what you don’t have.
      Tellingly, everyone disagrees with those last statements, each in their own way and often by vocalizing agreement. Rather a foolish leap, but to step past that, you'll need to imagine: “intimacy as a law of nature, something you must submit to, not unlike gravity.” Completely beyond conception, so you merely orient to it by appreciating your current relationships, striving to appropriately communicate, or, “Life as remedial kindergarten.” Seriously! Faced with the gravity of our situation, that’s the best we can do. Discovering life: the challenge of an interior experience that carries weight and a sense of accountability. Not a philosophical endeavor or feel-good, but grasping hold of yourself, exactly where it counts, and not always pleasant, this knowing yourself and the world through listening and relationship.
      From a different perspective, we believe that intimacy is consummated in what seems like a unique penetration. Yet, despite all the excitement, intimacy stands aloof, waiting for evidence. For example, you're making sacrifices for that relationship, accepting humble integrity, and growing into the beauty that stands right in front of you, all of which orients you to an intimacy of experience. Leaving aside how you’re continually disoriented by the box you’ve pulled that from and continue to fixate on (solid reason to find a good psychologist and find patience for everyone else).
      By this, I'm illustrating the depth of our predicament. Seemingly positive results pour out from a Pandora's box of identity. A complex, functional perspective that assigns intimacy to encounters that feel exceedingly good. Whereas I'm suggesting: intimacy is categorically different from that worldview; from an intimate perspective, a difference that defines everything about our world. Genuine insight and entirely practical, for instance, it brings us back into a natural relationship with our interior dimensions. Opening all life as an adventure, in full display. Quite different from the current expectations: one's interior, at least one might hope, a carefully wrapped gift that sits on a shelf, mostly ignored. Not that jack-in-the-box we all experience! On the other hand, some people do find ways to imaginatively decorate Jack, hoping to contain his awkwardness; perhaps even making him into a luminous bobble, hanging from one's unique identity! 
      Flipping that box of identity on its nose. The difference I am speaking to is firmly attached to our addictive nature. My identity absolutely seems to be "all that I am," even as it obscurely swims in my interior parts. A swim that exposes me to things I wouldn't admittedly identify with. So confusing! At the same time, that swim attaches me to my dopamine response, which quite naturally provides focus. All of which severely limits my sense of self, laying the groundwork for our world. For example, the best I might attempt is "listening as a tool," valuable but also artificial and defined by identity; that is, something I'm doing, not fundamentally what I am. Which then defines one’s address of the world, an unadventurous, “identifying with what I want to hear.” Addiction is like that: all roads lead to the same destination.
      We are submerged and bounced around in the chaos of our interior. Precariously trapped and isolated in a collapsing leaky box, pressing us desperately for any means of escape. Turns out, one needn't leave the box, as committing oneself to identity acts like a narcotic, seemingly releasing us, yet mostly providing diminished returns, busying our thoughts and feelings, continually tasked with dragging us to safety. Having escaped that nightmare, rarely does anyone look back, and certainly, no one stops to investigate. Instead, we wrap ourselves ever tighter in what remains, optimistically, a richness of thoughts, feelings, and hopefully, identifying with a Venn diagram or two. Seemingly the best life has to offer, dreamily nestled inside a squishy nebular box of my own making.

      At this point, I'm sure you're wondering, what the hell happened to politics? I agree, so back to a nominal sense of reality, finding my political arguments are all about stepping into our complexities. Flipping the script as we drag honesty and accountability onto the scene. I expect most people reading this already direct the ensemble of their lives to that end, but “what of those other people?” A question with no easy answers, given modern society’s ill-disposed, narcoleptic state, for instance, our normalizing “listening as a weapon and purely leveraged relationships.” Steeped in self-righteousness, the politic of our political battles, is founded upon lying, cheating, and stealing; devotedly believing we’ve accomplished some greater good. In truth, undermining every relationship and then amplifying the confusion of our interior, a fog of conflict that seeks practical outcomes using the least practical means, as in: not-created-here; the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and… again, expecting different results; and every problem involves those other people (although, there is some truth in that, my next series). In the current climate, everyone doubling down on their installed and tribal biases.
      We can’t help but identify with our biases, “any given tall white man must be in charge, or that lady isn’t nice, so I don’t trust her.” Many studies show how insidious biases are, and only minimally affected by how you personally identify with a given issue. Everyone thinks “integrity” while preferring those we can identify with, automatically assigning those chosen few substance and emotional intelligence. Followed by, everyone trying to fix a range of issues through an increasingly diverse approach to identity, evermore technical, and simply how you happen to feel about it, at that moment. I question that anyone removes their installed biases, whereas behavior change, especially what comes out from your mouth, is a very powerful organizational tool and not surprisingly a kindergarten thing. That is, programs that produce cultural change can be effective. For example, a programmed tribe that encourages inclusive, equitable discussions while preferring diversity of opinion. So, one might imagine, “Maybe that nicely sets the stage for an Intimacy Program,” which I’m hoping never happens, in a word, “No!” That’s not how it works, as you’ll remember, intimacy is elemental to human being, a reality not unlike gravity. Extending that analogy, you don’t become an awesome skateboarder by studying the theory of relativity. In other words, programs and every effort that accomplishes improved communication while dealing with all relationships in a positive manner, orients each situation to intimacy. Every honest effort toward listening and positive relationships, moving us in the direction of human being. Otherwise, we see the result. As I see it, identity leading us around by the nose, concealing from us its shitty results.
      Our every effort attaches us to identity, disconnecting us from intimacy, and that, pervasively the fabric of society, thus easily ignored in any normative sense. "Normative" is believing you're above all the problems our world dishes out, seeing how you are a good person, yet all too often wishing to blare that car horn or light fire to what remains of a homeless camp. Mostly inconsequential: doesn’t keep you up at night and simply a 'normal' response to irritations. The complexity of thoughts and feelings bouncing off the subconscious aspects of identity, again perfectly 'normal,' so no one should seriously consider lighting fire to their own situation, despite that blaring car horn. Then again, remedial kindergarten is nothing to be ashamed of.

      Truth of the matter, the best we have to offer gets lost in that normal shuffle of life. Easily missing the point: our humanity begins with the hard work of listening and relationship, foundational for any category of intimacy. Challenging many people, as it flies in the face of our current politics, culture wars, and self-righteousness, really, every form of othering.